Childhood Trauma


We always loved legos, that was me, my brother, and my neighbor John. Whenever me or my brother got a new lego set we would both love to build it together,  and it was probably my most memorable times of my childhood. He would usually do the harder books and i would do the easier smaller parts even though i always wanted to do the bigger parts. But on one stormy summer day my brother broke out the set i wanted to do the most, out of any other set in the world it was the lego Star Wars Death Star. The set was a monster of bricks and chips of legos, it would be hard to put together for anybody but for two determined boys ages 6 and 10 we could do it i thought.

But this Rainy day would soon be the worst day of my childhood life. I sat down next to my brother and my brother squinted at me with confusion, I ignored it and got the first book out of the box my brother snatched it away from my hands. I stared at him in confusion he had a face of anger on his face. “what was that for?” i asked genuinely confused. “This is my lego set so i’m going to make it.”. I was confused, i mean we always built together but now all the sudden he’s doing it alone? it didn’t seem right. And so days passed to weeks that he was working on his monstrous  Ship, i noticed really how hard he worked on it every detail was better than the last.

I started just watching him cause i was so bored, waiting for him to need help, need me in any way! So every time he was working on it i was watching, and watching. This went on for days, each day becoming more unbearable. and what i did next was so unbearable i still to this day never forgave myself for it. I asked one more time “Need any help?”. Even though i knew the answer i needed to ask. “No, you’ll just break it.” he responded without even a thought.

That was it, that was what made me snap. I slowly walked over to him and picked up the monstrous brick spaceship with both hands as i picked it up i knew what i was about to do was wrong.

But it was too late.

I gripped the beast of a ship with anger and smashed it on the floor.

It was weird. anybody would expect him just to push or hit or punch me right? But he just stared. he didn’t seem phased at all. He looked at me, stood up and walked out of his room, I followed him into the kitchen repeatedly saying i’m sorry. He finally replied with, “Don’t say sorry to me, say it to dad it was his birthday present. But it’s ok, Now you can tell him we got him nothing.” He grabbed a Pop Tart and walked away still not phased. i never felt worse in my life, i just ruined my dad’s birthday i stood looking at the wall with my mouth open and my eyes tearing up.

I never forgave myself.

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