Mr. Jockers Period 3
“I can’t believe you.” She stood across from me, moonlight dancing across her quivering face. “You’re so selfish. How could I not see it sooner…” We stood there for a minute, her eyes filled with tears and hatred. I stood there, shocked. My face felt hot. “Amy… I-I…” I choked on my words. I didn’t understand. “I’m sorry.” But it’s hard to apologize for something when you don’t know what you did wrong. I felt awful. I was awful. I never meant to hurt her. She took a step away from me and turned away. “You should go.” I needed to speak or reach out and touch her shoulder and we would talk about what was wrong and everything would be okay, but… I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Turning with tears in my eyes, I walked home in the darkness of the night. As I walked I couldn’t stop wondering what I did. What I did, to hurt someone so funny and nice and sweet and would never done anything to hurt me. I thought back to the beginning of the week, when it all began…
August 1st, 2015.
Amy was selecting a certain few to attend her birthday party. I didn’t want to act like it, but I was really nervous. Amy’s my friend. I thought. Of course I’m going to get invited. But Amy continued to avoid me, acting like I didn’t exist. Last period came and I began to get frustrated. I continuously glanced over, trying to get her attention. The final bell rang and everyone began to get up. I stayed in my seat for a minute before getting up. She gathered her things and walked out. Disappointment filled my body. Like someone had set up a high-five and moved away at the last moment. I wanted to yell, to curl up and hide, to get away from everyone else and sit by myself. Luckily, my social anxiety kept me from doing anything drastic. As I walked out of the classroom, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
¨Hey, I think I forgot to give you this…¨
A week went by, but it felt like a month. I woke up early on a Saturday morning, a rare occurrence, and started to get ready. As I wrapped the present, a feeling of uneasiness crept up my spine, like when you’re about about to get a headache, or right before a thunderstorm. Yet the feeling left as soon as it had come.
I walked to her house(it was just down the road). Just as I saw the driveway, my head began to ache. The feeling came back like a hurricane. Everything went dark, like my eyes were rolling back into my head. My head felt somewhere between weightless and a knife being stabbed into my temple. I leaned against a mailbox until my sight came back and I could stand without the world spinning. I still felt lightheaded as I walked to the house, but I assumed it was just asthma or something. I’d be fine. Probably.
The driveway was empty. The lights were off. The front door was open. There were no balloons. No one outside. No music. No voices. Silence. Every instinct in my small 11 year old body told me to make a break for the nearest police station. Yet there was something about the open door that seemed to be calling me. Pulling me towards it, like a siren’s song…
Before I knew what was happening, I was at the front door. I chose every step carefully as I crept my way through the unfamiliar familiar that was the hallway. I glanced into the bathroom, yellow-orange pillboxes lining the sink like soldiers. The room sent a chill down my spine, so I slowly closed the door and kept moving. The overpowering scent of lavender burned my eyes and nose as I got further into the house. The odor was so strong I had to stop and wipe tears out of my eyes for a solid thirty seconds. Amy’s room was empty, her clothes neatly folded on the foot of her perfectly folded bed, surrounded by an ocean of clothes strewn across the ground. The room caused a feeling of unsettledness, and I once again closed the door and kept walking.
A sudden laughing outside made me jump and my skin crawl. I raced to the window, my heart racing. Relief filled my body to see Aurora and Lily laying in the grass outside. I sprinted outside. Their faces indicated I looked like a madman, which I suppose was justified, as I was running towards them screaming with my arms flailing behind me. They seemed like they were ready for me to start attacking them or at least getting ready to run. I slowed down just in time so I didn’t trample Aurora. ¨Where’s Amy?¨ I stammered. Bewildered, Aurora pushed her curly blonde hair out of her face. Lily sat back, propping herself up on her arm and seemed to be paralyzed. I repeated myself and Aurora looked at me then glanced at Lily. ¨What?” I asked. I gazed over the lush lawn, but Amy wasn’t here. Aurora and Lily sat there, looking at each other. ¨What??” I repeated, getting annoyed. ¨What’s wrong?¨ I nudged Aurora with my foot. I opened my mouth to repeat myself yet again, but was interrupted by a car pulling into the driveway. Amy’s car. I sat next to Aurora on the grass and waited.
Amy made her way across the yard to where we were seated. ¨Anna, where is everyone else?¨ She glared at me. ¨Wh- How should I know?¨ I smiled. What is she talking about… My smile faded as she squinted at me. “Hm.” She turned and started to walk away. Aurora and Lily followed at Amy’s heels, like dogs and their master. After a while, I caught up with them. We waited for others to arrive for a little for than thirty minutes. I don’t think anyone’s coming. I whispered in my head. Amy tapped her foot and sat on the couch, Aurora and Lily on either sides of her, looking at their phones. I snickered as I pictured them as an album cover. Amy’s head whipped in my direction and she stood up fast. “What’s so funny?” She hissed. “Uhh… I just… Ha… Well… Aurora and Li-” She cut me off. “Do you think it’s funny that no one came? Because personally, I don’t find it funny at all.” She snapped. I opened my mouth to say that, no, that’s not what I was laughing at, and, also, calm down.
Eventually, we decided to leave, even though it was just the four of us. We went bowling, got hibachi at a table that was obviously reserved for more people. I thought the night went well, even if nobody came. All you need is the friends that you can trust, friends that’ll support you no matter what. I thought wrong.
We went back to the house and immediately started making a blanket fort. We admired our masterpiece before going downstairs and singing karaoke. Maya, Aurora, and I were doing a comedy routine. It was really terrible, but it was fun. Amy wasn’t laughing. I wanted to have fun, but it was hard and kinda awkward to be celebrating Amy’s party without Amy. She got up and walked away.
That’s when the night went from bad to worse. Aurora and Maya were talking and laughing. I was sitting down on the couch across the room. Suddenly there was a sharp poke on my shoulder. I turned, going face to face with Amy. “Ow, what the heck.” I whispered. She grabbed my arm and started to drag me off the couch. Pulling against her, I stood up myself, slightly hunched over in attempt to not ruin the fort and/or suffocate those inside. She stared into my eyes and slowly raised her hand, motioning me to follow. Where are we going? My legs began to shake and my hands got sweaty, but there’d be no moms spaghetti.
It’d been two days since Amy had kicked me out of her party. I still couldn’t stop thinking, wondering why, what I did. I got on the bus, expecting to see her there, glaring at me. She wasn’t there. I sat by myself near the front. For the first half of the day, Amy was nowhere to be seen. I was sitting at lunch, telling Aurora and Maya what Amy said. “That’s so weird.” Aurora spat between. “It’s not your fault that no one went.” I gave her a smug look. Maya sat quietly, with her head down. The look faded off my face. “Hey guys.” There was a voice behind me. I looked down. Amy pulled up a chair next to Maya and immediately started talking. I should leave… I quickly glanced up at Amy. She wasn’t glaring at me, she wasn’t frowning. She seemed… fine. I blinked. “So Anna, what are you doing after school?” My eyes got wide. She’s joking, right? I opened my mouth but couldn’t form words. Aurora and Maya looked at Amy. “You’re joking right?” I whispered. “What? Of course not. Are you free after school or not?” I was beyond confused. “I… I’m free after school Amy.” Maya stammered. “Well I didn’t ask you, did I, Maya?” Maya’s face got red and she looked down again, sniffling. “Amy what the heck??” Aurora snarled. “You’re asking Anna to go to your house after school in front of us and not even asking if you want to go?!” Aurora leaned forward, angry. Amy sighed. “Fine. Aurora, do you want to come, too?” “Too?” I mumbled. Amy stared at me. “I’m not going.” Aurora smiled. “What? Why not??” Amy yelled. I looked her straight in the eyes. “Are you kidding me Amy? Two days ago you were basically calling me garbage and threw me out of your house because… Actually, I don’t know what I did wrong. If you’re going to treat me, and the rest of us, like garbage, I’m going to leave. Aurora and Maya, feel free to join me.” I stood up and pushed in my chair, moving to the empty table across the room. Aurora joined me. It was the best lunch I’ve ever had.