Regret is Inevitable

We laughed together, we played, we had the most fun we could for a year and a half.  Until someone decided I would only be their friend, and theirs alone.  

“ Pick your partners.” was all I needed to hear to get up from my seat and ask around the class. At HKMS ( Helen Keller Middle School) , Health was a fun class and I’d always had a constant partner, Sydney Borofsky.  We’d been friends since I’d moved to Connecticut. Friends. Well friends as far as friends went in my book. I’d never really had an active social life. Never had people over that much, never left the house much either. Basically I was the socially active inchworm.  Yep. An inch worm. Anyways, that day felt different. I was going to move out of my comfort zone and have a new partner! With a smile on my face and naive confidence I went to strike up gold! Friendship! The deceit of an old friend! YEP.

“ Mia- wanna be partners?” I froze in my tracks, smile frozen in place, and beads of sweat falling down my face as I turned around.

“ Um… well you see- No thanks.” I chuckled nervously looking around for someone, anyone to be my partner.  Sydney… She didn’t buy it.

“ Why don’t you wanna be partners?” She asked me with an odd tone.She asked me, so I told her.  She looked kind of hurt but we continued on with our class.  We didn’t work together but I worked alone. I thought we were cool, however Sydney had felt otherwise. 

I found this out specifically when I arrived home from school.  I had to wait outside until my dad got home, so I went to my phone for entertainment.  Once I turned on my phone and browsed through my Instagram feed I got a DM ( Direct Message) from Sydney.  

“Hi.” was all she said so I messaged her back.  A sudden wave of dread and regret washed over me, throwing my brain off of it’s calm boat into the restless sea of thoughts.  

“ Why didn’t you want to be partners with me?” She seriously had to ask me again? I’d already answered her once, I thought that’d be enough.  Obviously I was wrong. I told her why and she started asking questions completely unrelated to the topic. 

“ Am I a good singer?” I sucked up and said yes. 

“ Why wasn’t I in select choir then?” I told her it wasn’t my responsibility to pick so I couldn’t give her an honest answer. More and more questions about her amazingness, the sea of thoughts growing restless, I told her I had to go.  

A few weeks passed by like this, I’d been traveling back and forth from Connecticut to Massachusetts.  My aunt, Elizabeth Morris ( AKA Dizzie), had a brain tumor at the time. She couldn’t walk, her left side was completely paralyzed, and she still had a smile on her face.  She was 48. The few times I’d been with her I discovered she’s a very social person and always could make you feel like you’ve known her for years. And when she died… that was my mom’s breaking point and my own.  My Mom was best friends with her, they were like sisters. My Aunt Natalie, Elizabeth’s older sister, was a worse wreck than anyone else though. She had a twitchy, droopy smile on her face knowing where her little sister was. Gone.   Everything hurt and I almost broke down in tears at school once I found out.

Time moved slowly, and when my aunt’s funeral arrived Sydney was still at it with her constant compliment fishing.  It was annoying, especially during such a hard time.   I was pretty fed up with her at this point. 

After the funeral I got another message.

“Wanna play truth or dare?”  Of course I did, it was always fun to play truth or dare.  I’d fallen into her trap. After a few minutes of playing she told me she had some news.  She had been messaging a guy I liked and told me he liked me back. I was ecstatic! After a day of gloom and sadness I finally got to celebrate something!  I was happy. I asked her if she could show me the messages just because I wanted to see it in his own words.  

“I don’t wanna get in trouble with him.”  You could smell the lies. After an hour of asking her about it I decided to just leave it.  

At the hotel she continued to message me but now it was negative.  She said I had no friends and everyone in her homeroom was laughing at me.  Even my close friends at the time. I don’t think I’d ever been so angry at a person.  I told her she was toxic, I shouldn’t be friends with her if this was how she was gonna treat me after me being honest with her.  She ‘apologized’. Bull. I didn’t associate with her or her messages until I got home.

It still continued.  She tried to message me and I just blocked her.  She said she’d bring her parents into this and I said bring it.  I’d already informed my mom about this and I wasn’t putting up with it anymore.  We aren’t friends anymore as you could imagine. The latest argument I’ve had with her and her sister, Lillian, was purely on them being nosey.  When they learn to mind their own business and not try to pull any BS over my eyes, maybe, MAYBE, we can go back to being acquaintances. 

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